Top 10 Tips for Dating During Quarantine

By Intomore

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“Stay positive. You can’t have bad sex if you’re having no sex.”

Comedian Justin Randall gives his top ten tips for dating during a quarantine.

Transcript provided by YouTube:

00:00

hello I am Justin Randall and I am

00:02

inside of my home hopefully you are too

00:06

in yours not mine

00:08

okay stay home you know I do think that

00:10

I’m still gay but I can’t be sure

00:12

because I haven’t seen a man in 15 years

00:14

I think I’m starting to forget what they

00:16

look like all I can imagine is like the

00:18

faint outline of someone who won’t text

00:20

me back is that right

00:21

I need help that’s why I came up with

00:24

some tips to get us all through this

00:25

these are my top 10 tips to dating

00:28

during a quarantine number 10 post a

00:34

thirst trap it’ll make you feel good for

00:36

at least 35 seconds believe me I counted

00:39

plus your crush might DM you and if they

00:42

don’t just try again every single day or

00:44

the rest of your life number 9 stay

00:48

no one’s getting laid right now but if

00:49

you look on the bright side you can’t

00:51

have bad sex if you’re having no sex

00:53

some of our sex lives might actually

00:55

improve number eight use Google Maps if

00:58

you’re just dying to get out of the

01:00

house ask some in their location and

01:01

then pretend to walk they’re using

01:03

Google Street View it’ll feel just like

01:05

you’re going to hook up only you don’t

01:07

have to do Sh first that’s a life hack

01:08

number seven fill out that whole profile

01:11

big look you got nothing but time and we

01:13

want to get to know you and by that I

01:16

mean I’m tired of asking how tall you

01:18

are it’s awkward I’ll sleep with you

01:19

regardless I just want to know what

01:20

shoes I should wear number six try and

01:23

learning someone’s name it won’t kill

01:25

you just put a name with a torso I

01:27

promise once this is all over we can go

01:29

back to learning each other’s names on

01:31

the way out the door

01:32

number five start tapping people on

01:34

Grindr it’s like a video game

01:36

only horny go crazy tap everyone you

01:39

like once except for profiles that say

01:41

no taps you should tap them twice

01:43

number four update your nudes look nudes

01:47

are like headshots they need to be

01:49

current and I always print mine out in

01:51

eight-by-tens

01:52

photoshoots can be fun try some new

01:54

angles and don’t worry if you don’t have

01:56

a tripod just ask your roommate for help

01:59

number three make the phone date oh my

02:02

god you guys let’s reclaim the art of

02:04

conversation not to mention it can be

02:08

see don’t be like mmm what are you

02:10

wearing and you can be like pajamas for

02:12

the 14th day in a row

02:14

that’s hot number two share your venmo

02:17

share it everywhere you never know who’s

02:20

got their eye on you money can’t buy

02:22

your luck but it can buy you another

02:24

only fan subscription and that’s just as

02:27

good especially if you find the right

02:28

guy trust me

02:29

lastly have zoom sex bitch literally

02:32

everyone else’s it’s as close as you’re

02:34

gonna get to the real thing

02:35

and it’s better than FaceTime because

02:37

you can do it with 15 people sounds like

02:39

a regular monday am i right and that’s

02:41

it those are my top 10 tips to dating

02:43

during the quarantine if you think I

02:45

left anything out

02:46

leave a comment because I need all the

02:48

help I can get I’m Justin Randall I love

02:50

you stay safe and stay home

This post was previously published on YouTube and is republished here under a Creative Commons license.

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Photo credit: Screenshot from video