We’ve been through many times together, thick and thin, ups and downs but never been in a quarrel. Everything feels so right for us. Sometimes jealousy hit us but it’s done in a flash because we knew, we are not entitled to it.
Perhaps the hardest thing about our dating was knowing we loved each other. Something that I don’t doubt to this day, I knew he wasn’t just sticking around for sex. He really wanted me for who I was and me either. But I’m sitting there, hanging onto every word of a person who just isn’t sure what they want.
. . .
He’s so handy
The fact is if you are a naturally positive person, being with someone else who has a similar attitude will elevate your level of happiness. And he always does. He supported me to quit my old job and start to write my own book. He helped me with many things.
Sometimes his words cut deeper than a knife, he brutally honest about my writing progress. And I loved the way he supports me, he won’t decide what I have to do but left me with great options.
He won’t let me go outside by myself to get food or something, it makes me feels safe. He’s always asked me, I am feeling good or maybe something bothering my mind even when we were had sex.
But once I asked him what did he feel about me, I can feel he trying to getaway. It’s always happening at least every time we were both sober. I’m a side who more often asking about it.
. . .
“I just wanted to stay here with you, and doing nothing.” — He said
“And we are going to die in a hunger” — I replied, he was giggling and tickle my waist softly.
“I have a plan, you finish your book and I graduate as soon as possible. Now I gonna create some fonts and sell them on the fonts site so, after that we could have a chill time as much as we want” — he stared my eyes deeply.
“It’s such a good plan if one of between us not get married” — I kissed his forehead and get inside.
. . .
He makes me be me
He never failed to let me know that his heartfelt strongly for me, he convinces me about myself even I just knew the insecurities wrapped himself. He let me be me.
He said we should never want to change our partner but we should willing to try to be flexible and compromise because it’s essential to ensuring the happiness for both of us. And I agreed.
I always asked him where had he been all this time, I wish we could meet earlier and he should be born earlier because sometimes I can’t believe he is younger than me.
When we were having sex, he always put my feelings on top. He let me explore my own desire to having sex with him and asked what he can do to make me comfortable. I really enjoy having sex with him when I am not pretending to be other.
And he usually whispered “I love you” every time we kissed or make love. But we are not even engaged in a relationship. That’s the bitter truth.
I know he’s not a player
Players will pretend to want a serious relationship, pretend to consider making you their girlfriend if that what it takes to get you to sleep with them. While he is blatant doesn’t want me to be his girlfriend.
When we were apart and he messages me, he’ll actually make an effort to engage in conversation. When he asks me out, it will be for coffee, or drinks, not for Netflix and chill.
Of course, he wants to sleep with me, but he won’t pressure me into anything I’m not comfortable with. He was not trying to use me for sex. He knows he won’t have a committed relationship with me but he’s never seeing other girls even he’s uninstalled Tinder.
. . .
He continued to keep an emotional distance, which bugged me at first. Still, I grew to accept it and embrace the non-relationship we had. We have had this non-relationship thing going for close to a year now, and I have realized that he and I have created a bond that is more than no-strings-attached, but I’m not sure if it’s love or not.
This post was previously published on Hello, Love and is republished here with permission from the author.
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