My Father’s Addiction

By Katherine Secaida

There are times where I see my father’s addiction in two ways
Comprehending why he’s an addict and knowing he will never change
My father’s addiction is also my addiction
Accepting and denying
My father is in denial
I have accepted my father’s addiction
When I was younger I didn’t reminisce much on his addiction
I thought it was normal to have substances around
I would weep for my dad
As I grew older I realized addiction is intoxicating to deal with
My father’s addiction taught me that love does not always win
I have to live with the pain and see my own father die of his obsession
Addiction is scary and inexplicable
Addiction taught me it’s more natural to lose someone you love to something you don’t cherish
It’s confusing being the daughter of an addict
I love my father. I will do anything for him
That’s where I get hurt
To do anything for an addict and get zero in return
To get laughed at when explaining to him how his addiction has traumatized me
My father is an addict and that’s okay.

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