How to Have Conversations With Women: Are You Letting Yourself Out?

Someone asks how I can say whatever I’m thinking, and not be worried that I’m going to be offensive.

Last month a very cool guy who had come out to a New York seminar asked me how it is that I am able speak my mind in front of women with ease. He asked me how it’s possible that I can say whatever I’m thinking in the moment and not hesitate or be worried that I’m going to be offensive or sound like a pig.

This was a great question, and something that I want to share with all of you guys. It’s an important topic to address, especially if you’re out not just approaching women, but getting into real conversations, going out on dates, and talking to women in bars.

The thing that’s holding back a lot of guys from freeing up and speaking their mind is that they believe their own inner thoughts will be offensive to others. They think that if other people find out what they’re REALLY thinking, especially women, that they will be seen as a huge pervert. A sicko. An asshole who just wants to get in her pants.

So what happens is that guys get all nervous in front of women, afraid that the woman they’re talking to will find out about all those thoughts and all that chatter going off inside their brain, so they make something up. They come up with lines, they try to be funny, they pretend to be cool and disinterested, and then what happens is that they never let their true selves out.

But the fact is that you don’t have to be squeaky clean. If you really want to get good at this, you gotta let your true self out. You have to say what you’re thinking, no matter what ends up coming out of your mouth. You’re not an asshole or a freak, deep down inside you know you’re actually a really great guy, so start tapping into that part of you. You have to trust that part inside of you.

You have to be unapologetic for who you are. If you’ve never been able to get a girlfriend, or you can’t get past the second date, or you constantly get blown off at bars when you approach women, it isn’t because you’re deficient in something. It’s not because there’s some secret pickup information you don’t know. It’s because you’re covering yourself up. You have a hidden agenda when you’re talking to women that you’re interested in—sure she’s attractive, sure you’d like to have sex with her, sure you’d like to get to know her more—but that agenda really needs to come out into the open. And the rest will follow.

You will feel so much better talking to people.

Previously published on davidwygant.com and is republished here under permission.

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