An Old Crush is Getting Married: Why am I so Angry?

Are you mad that she’s getting married or the fact that you never TOLD her how you felt about her?

Question: A girl I have had a crush on since our senior year in high school just sent me an email 5 years later (it was a mass email) saying she is getting married. We have never been anything and obviously now will never be anything but I am angry. Do I have a right to be angry? She has always seen me as a friend and I have never expressed how I felt but now I feel like I just got kicked in the stomach.

Answer: Of course love, you have the right to feel anything that’s authentic to you. This is your life, your experiences, your choices, your feelings… your adventure of living.

So if you feel kicked in the stomach… what is it that you can’t stomach? The fact that she’s getting married or the fact that you never TOLD her how you felt about her? Is it perhaps that you can’t stomach that you didn’t take action, be bold, show up and risk rejection for the possible reward of true love?

This is a really wonderful wake up call to show you the pain in your heart when you don’t at least show up and give it your all.

I remember my 10th and final speech in Toastmasters back in Kamloops BC where I grew up. I quoted some Styx song (years later sat at a table with the whole band at a charity event and told them this story). So the song talked about no regrets. Show up. “Sailing away” I think it was. “Setting my course for the virgin sea. I’ve got to be free, free to face the life that’s ahead of me…Carry on.” Jeez it’s all coming back as I’m typing now… that was 25 yrs ago!!!

So love, in that speech I told everyone I had a dream to be a dancer and travel the world. I told them I would rather fail than have this grey cloud of “what if” follow me around my whole mediocre life. I told them I was going to be fully used up with no regrets. The next day I took off with my uncle Phil in his 18 wheeler semi for Los Angeles.

For you, great man, this experience seems to be inviting you to see that when you don’t go for it fully, the regret is hard to stomach. Granted rejection stings, yet it passes and leaves you stronger and more confident for having shown up.

In a bitter sweet way, say Thank You for that mass email for it woke you up. Commit to speaking your truth, no matter what the consequences, and watch the Universe show up to support you in your dreams, that may very well turn out better than you could ever imagine. And lastly, send the woman a blessing of health, happiness and freedom… for you can’t have something for yourself until you help another have it…

Funny… I’m at Skyzone with my son while I’m writing this and the DJ just started to play HAPPY by Farrell. Be happy that you’ve got this lesson now… and carry on wonderful man.


A version of this post was previously published on and is republished here with permission from the author.


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