When my son was born, everyone told me, “just enjoy the time, it goes so fast.”
Here I had everything I wanted. A beautiful, healthy baby. A nice home in a great city. A wonderful husband. A thriving business. So why, when everything was so great, would I find myself stuck in worry and unable to enjoy the moment?
And then I would think about how fast it goes, and get upset I wasn’t enjoying motherhood enough.
What is self-sabotage?
It comes in many forms. It could be that something good happens in your life but rather than enjoying it you create fears that don’t exist. Or it could be that right when you’re about to have a breakthrough you set yourself back, or stop all together. Perhaps you get angry and fight with your partner in order to create some drama.
Let’s explore this from a few different angles.
There are only two things we fear. Fear of not getting what we want, and fear of losing what we have.
That’s why I created my free guide to help you shift your mindset away from fear.
As humans, we project into the future and make up potential problems and then try figuring out the solution. This is what helps us thrive, because we can anticipate harm.
However, it can work against us when everything is going well but we start make up problems that don’t exist.
Second, many of us have deep-seated beliefs working against us.
We may believe we don’t deserve it, or having a lot of money is greedy, or that falling in love isn’t safe.
As silly as it sounds, our brain would rather feel comfortable with an identity it knows, even if that identity is a story that is making us unhappy.
In Gay Hendricks book The Big Leap, he describes ways in which we create an upper limit. As we bump into our upper limit, we begin to self-sabotage.
So, what do you do about this?
1. The first step is to be aware.
The truth is, you may not even realize when you’re self-sabotaging. But if you reflect and can see the patterns that come up in your life, it will cue you in to what areas you may be self-sabotaging.
2. Notice how you’re doing it.
Is it nagging your husband and kids? Is it getting lost in constant worry and doubt? Is it when you’re on the verge of a breakthrough at work but you don’t take the next step?
Start to be aware and say “I’m upper limiting myself.” Take a deep breath. Re-center into the moment and choose how you wish to respond rather than react.
If it’s that you always stop right before finishing a big project, try taking the next step and see how it feels. If it’s getting angry at your husband, take some deep cleansing breaths and choose how you’d like to communicate.
4. Lean into joy.
Take time to enjoy the moments of your life! The antidote to self-sabotage is when you notice you’re feeling good, lean into this feeling. Even if just for a few moments longer. Let it become comfortable to feel good, content and happy.
Who would you be if you let go of your story? If you let go of your past? I know it’s scary, because you may be thinking, “but I wouldn’t know that person.”
But what if you could wake up with a fresh start? Someone who begins the morning giving thanks for another day of living and loving. Someone who focuses on the good things in their life. Someone who chooses to be present and create joy.
I want you to meet that person.
If you wish to create greater self-love, happiness, and calm, download my free guide here.
A version of this post was previously published on Huffpost and is republished here with permission from the author.
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